When we thought things at home could not get worse, we were wrong Last week, my wife had a break down and shortly after that she was diagnosed with a burn-out by her psychologist. So far we though we could manage, but now things seem to get a bit tense. Just imagine... Me with ADD, (possible) Asperger's and HSP. Our son with Asperger's and HPS, and now my wife with a burn-out. Right now I'm trying to take care of most things around the house (including one of the sources of my wife's burn-out, which gives me enough chaos as well ). And with our son going to his new school gives enough troubles as well (remember the part about the schoolbooks I wrote a few days ago?). Of course, he has to get used to his new daily schedule, and we think it'll take him a few weeks to adjust... But till then, we're in a bit o chaos at home. Because of that I might be a bit quiet on my blog, as well as on twitter. I will try to keep my blog updated at least twice a week though, while on twitter I'm probably a bit more active...

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The doctor at the Dutch UWV (the governmental institute that pays my allowance) signed me up for neurofeedback therapy (also called EEG biofeedback therapy). Since I want the chaos and my concentration problems solved, I agreed on that. Two weeks ago I had an intake with a psychologist and last Friday I had the first appointment before I'd be sent to the neurofeedback center here in Alkmaar. He also told me the UWV would not cover the costs for me, and I should contact my health insurance for it. But curious as I am, I googled the topic and found some interesting things on the topic... First and most importantly, there is no Dutch health insurance company covering the expenses for the therapy because the treatment is "not evidence based" (Dutch page). Calling my health insurance, they confirmed that they won't cover the expenses of the treatment for the same reason (now why did that psychologist tell me I should contact my health insurance?) That while last Friday I was told I'd get 28 sessions in a course of 14 weeks and sometimes patients need a 2nd course of 28 sessions. Searching prices, I came across a list of prices from SPELL (Dutch first line psychology). Using this list as guide, it'd cost me € 2.420 in total for 28 sessions. Then there is also the part of the placebo effect (Dutch page again) for this treatment with ADHD patients. And last but not least, the psychologist explained me how the treatment works. Now I know that watching television with distorted imaged and sounds I get lots of chaos. Why use this triggering chaos instead of curing it? Okay, if my health insurance would pay it I'd be more than happy to give it a try, but now... I also googled for the results of neurofeedback and ADHD patients. All sites I found said it would work and that the results are 90% positive. But is this an objective view? Not at all. All the sites I found on the topic were sites selling the service, and it's somewhat odd to tell it's not working or to tell there's no scientific evidence the treatment works. So I wrote an eMail to the psychologist telling him I my health insurance does not cover the treatment, and that I demand the UWV to pay for the treatment - after all, they're the ones who want me cured to work again. I also told if the UWV won't pay for the treatment I will not follow it at all. My guess is that the UWV will cut my allowance for not cooperating, and I'll have to go to court. But first lets see what will happen

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An other medication bites the dust on me... This time it's the anti-depressive venlafaxine. Though I'm not really depressed, it was given to me because it also is known to remove concentration problems and lower the chaos by ADD patients. In my case, neither one is true. After 4 weeks of taking the medication, my concentration is still at it's lowest. I even tried to program a bit while I was with my parents in-law last weekend, but that didn't really work. Not to mention, things like typing for my blog is really tiring as well, because I make lots of typing errors, so I have to read all I write at least twice About the chaos I can be real short. There is no difference whatsoever with or without the medication... Then the reason to stop taking the medication. The last 4 weeks I've grown more and more tired. If you look to the recent About me posts here, you'll see me complaining more than once. With that, I've had severe lower back pains as well twice last week. Though I'm familiar with lower back problems (due to an instable spine and my length), I've had the pain as I've had it last weeks only twice before, and at least the last 5 years I thought the pain in my back was getting less and less (probably also because I wear a corset regularly, which forces my spine straight and thus removes the main reason for the pain in my lower back). And then there was last Wednesday, where I was really sick of tiredness. I was sweating a lot, had a good headache and vomited a couple of times. I know I didn't have a fever, so my guess is that I was sick of pure tiredness. And next... The stand-in psychiatrist (my own psychiatrist is on holiday now) told me that there are a few other medications available. Lets hope those will help me to control the chaos and concentration problems...

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Today I went home. My wife stays a couple of days longer on Ameland with her parents, her sister, and of course, our son. The trip home was a long one for me. To start, we were one hour early at the boat (basically, we looked at the wrong time ), and when the boat finally left the harbour at 12.30, it took the usual 45 minutes to reach the other side. Though the trip with the boat is short, it felt like hours to me Next was the bus from the harbour at Holwerd to Leeuwarden. This one seemed to go pretty fast, and before I knew the trip was over. There I had to wait for about 20 minutes before my final connection arrived. This bus would take me home. Again, this bus did go pretty fast, but to me it felt like I was in that bus all day I arrived a bit over 4pm at home, dropped my luggage in the living room and was too tired to do a thing. So I decided to go to bed and take a little nap. That little nap became a long one... At 7.30pm I woke up again, went down, fed the cats, and played Allods on the computer. But I can't concentrate too much on it right now. I'm still so tired, that it feels I'd fall asleep immediately when I go back to bed again and wake up coming morning. ...perhaps I should give it a try...

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Yesterday it was that time again to get a severe and acute pain in my lower back I woke up without any problems at all. Made coffee, had breakfast and nothing was wrong at all. When I took a shower, there still wasn't anything wrong at all. But when I was finished showering and wanted to dry myself, all of a sudden the pain in my lower back was there once again... My guess is that once again the muscle stiffness as sideeffect of the anti-depressives is bugging me. It's a good thing I brought my corset with me on this short holiday, so I could wear it to ease the pain and walk around. But this time the pain was more severe than last week. Even while wearing the corset, I felt every move in my lower back, and I think without the corset I wouldn't even be able to move at all. Today the pain is still there, but not as bad as yesterday. I think I'll wear the corset the whole day, just to be sure the pain in my back it won't mess up with Max' b-day celebration...

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